Writing Task 2-Full Opinion Essay Sample

A couple of days ago in my previous post on writing task 2, I promised to post my complete answer to the following IELTS essay task:

Some people think governments should spend less money on arts and invest more in education.

How far do you agree or disagree?

So, here’s my band-9 essay. While you read through this, it would really help to pay attention to the organisation of the information and ideas, as well as to how I have presented and developed my reasons. These points contribute half of your score in the writing section and are as important as the vocabulary and grammar that you use in your essay:

I agree that public budgets for arts should be decreased, and more money ought to be spent on education instead. This is true about the money allocated to music, paintings and other forms of art, and governments should invest in the development and improvement of schools, teachers and educational resources.

Education normally plays a more important role in the development of a country than arts. While art has great cultural significance, it seems that learning important sciences and skills effectively contributes more greatly to a nation’s progress. This is because the development of industries, healthcare and defense relies mostly on a country’s progress in different fields of science and technology, which in turn requires skillful teachers, advanced computers and better-equipped laboratories.

Apart from this, art is already immensely supported by the private sector in most parts of the world. Many art galleries invest in new or professional artists, and a large number of wealthy art lovers tend to spend lavishly to buy different forms of art like paintings and sculptures on a regular basis. Musicians also earn a lot from the sales of their CDs, as well as the online sales of their music and concert tickets. Therefore, most artists are not likely to require government financial support.

In conclusion, I think governments ought to decrease their financial support for arts and increase education budgets to improve their countries’ development. This will probably not affect arts and artists much since they will still have their supporters in the private sector.

(250 words)

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3 comments

  1. Dear Mr. Tahasoni,
    I've read that since it's an academic writing, you better avoid using personal pronouns and use the passive voice instead. What do you say about it?
    I've also read that you need to paraphrase the rubric first and then narrow it towards the theses in the introductory paragraph. Isn't it necessary?
    Thank you 🙂

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    1. Sajjad
      First, take a look at the following examples from the most credible sources available to us all:

      Cambridge IELTS 7, page 163:

      Par. 4, line 1:
      I personally think...

      Par. 5, line 1:
      In conclusion, I agree that...

      Cambridge IELTS 8, page 167:
      Par. 3, line 1:
      I think to tackle...

      Par. 5, line 1:
      In conclusion, I think...

      Cambridge IELTS 9, page 167:
      Par. 3, line 4:
      ...as my local council...

      Par. 5, line 1:
      In my opinion

      These were all academic examples written by Cambridge examiners, and there are more examples in the GT samples. As you can barely see, it is actually quite normal - and most of the time necessary - to use the personal tone when referring to your own ideas or experiences. So, I'd advise you to read such examples carefully before accepting advice on the writing module.

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    2. The answer to your second question is simply "NO". Remember that 1) there are various approaches to writing an essay, and 2) the contents of the introduction paragraph depend on the task itself.

      The approach I've taken here is the one used in many other opinion essay examples from Cambridge. You can find more details and references in this post:

      http://www.ieltsprime.com/2015/07/03/opinion-essay-introductions/

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